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| I COULD NOT RESIST |
In the last few months, I’ve noticed a trend happening. The
concept of modesty and purity kept coming up. Growing up, I was used to hearing
phrases like ‘Modest is Hottest’ and ‘No purple’ (for those who didn’t go to
youth group, girls are red and boys are blue so no inappropriate actions mean
no purple.)
These were basic understood roles that fell under the
umbrella of modesty and purity that were regularly enforced. No tight fitting
clothing, short shorts, low cut blouses, ect. No two piece bathing suits or you
were forced to where a large shirt to ‘cover’ yourself (Which I never got the
t-shirt thing. Wet t-shirt contests exist for a reason.) Basically any form of
clothing that could be considered provocative or flaunting our sexuality. As
well as the side hugs and when sitting next to the opposite gender we always
had to leave room for the Holy Spirit.
Well I’m Puerto Rican and with that came a Puerto Rican
body. So no matter what I wore, it would show that I had a figure. It wasn’t
till I was 16 or 17 that I started to get upset for constantly being told that
my wardrobe could be “crossing the line.”
I think the most disconcerting even that took place was that
one of my older male youth leaders told me that my bra strap was sticking out.
I snapped at him for even looking. That’s what my girl friends are for. (I also
felt the need to re-enact the scene from Stick It.)
This was all done to prevent tempting our fellow brothers in
Christ from temptation. Which to me, sounded all too similar to the idea of
rape culture. The brunt of this falls mostly on the women. The root of the
temptation was usually blamed on the women. Not only is the oppressive, but
also sexist in it’s thinking.
The concepts of modesty and purity are done with good
intentions, but the damage we have done on so many young girls self worth and
value by demonizing their body is too high. The cost was ruining their
self-image and a healthy view of their sexuality as well as destroying the
men’s concept of women.
We still reduce women to her body parts and reduce them to
be something to be shameful of. By trying to not focus on her sexuality, we
made her ashamed of it and creating that her only value and worth to others and
to God is her purity.
In a nutshell, it’s slut shaming. It allows this idea that
certain women can be respected and others can be ‘disrespected’, who are no
longer seen as the daughters of God that they are but someone that can be
looked down upon because her worth is directly tied to her sexuality.
We thought by teaching a dress code or a set of rules would
encourage abstinence and a focus on the women themselves, but by the way we
enforce it, we are in fact doing the same thing that pornography and the ‘sex
obsessed’ secular culture does- objectify women.
I think in our obsession with modesty and purity has created
this warped idea of what sex is. It’s now become a requirement to be a
Christian. I would even say sometimes that it has become an idol.
Maybe by doing all of this, we are ruining marriage and sex
by causing young couples to rush into marriage (and creating this ‘marriage
craze’ and looking down upon on singles amongst young Christian adults). And
maybe we have so screwed up our image of sex and the intimacy is creates by
worshipping purity that we don’t understand the intimacy we are supposed to
have with God.
In our fear of sin or being perceived as sinners, we have
avoided the intimacy, the closeness that sex is that we are so uncomfortable by
it even when it is finally okay. The intimacy of what sex and marriage is the
earthly manifestation of God’s relationship with his bride, the church, is.
There’s a reason why Songs of Solomon has been kept in the
bible.
In the end, I’m not advocating the complete dismissal for
modesty or for purity. I think it’s very necessary in the times we live in. I
think we desperately need to reevaluate how we approach the subject. We can’t
solve this by enforcing a stringent dress code on just our girls or shaming the
attraction we have for one another. We can no longer use such negative terms in
the way we approach modesty for our women.
God created our bodies and our sexuality. We should
acknowledge that we find people attractive and teach respectful ways to show it,
not discourage it. We need to encourage every girl to love her body and that she is more than clothes she wears or the labels her peers will put on her. That God created her to be leaders like Deborah and created her as beautiful as Esther in her appearance and her heart. We should praise sex as an intimate, loving act that should
be saved till it’s finally right, the way God wanted it to be, not as some evil corrupt sin that we have turned it into.
